I should not be allowed to operate heavy machinery

And by “heavy machinery,” I really mean anything that plugs into the wall.

It’s been a fun day here at Casa PALMA (that stands for Pirate Author Lawyer Mom Astronaut, of course). I have a seven-month-old daughter who we lovingly refer to as Roo, as in Kanga. Dear sweet Roo has a bit of a cold, so I figured I would try to put her down for a nap and turn on the humidifier to help her breathe. A problem arose when I discovered the humidifier was out of water, a task normally fulfilled by my loving husband, but since he was at work, I figured I could do it because, hey, how hard can it be to put water in a humidifier, right?


I wasn’t entirely sure how to do it. I knew my husband usually took the top off, carried it into another room and came back with it full of water, but I saw a hole on top that looked like it went to the bottom of the humidifier. You’d think the water could just go in there, right?


You’d also think that, not really knowing for sure where the water went, I’d want to start by slowly pouring only a small bit in as an experiment rather than dumping an entire liter into the thing and holding my breath, right?


Of course the hole on top of the humidifier led down not into the tank but into the shallow base, which filled up with water in no time, thus causing the other 0.97 liters I had dumped in there to spill over the top of the base, cover the entire wooden dresser, drip down the sides, gather in all nine drawers, and finally pool onto the floor. I stood there in horror, which naturally was the time Roo decided to start bloody murder.

I tried to be Supermom and hold Roo while also trying to mop all the water up, but that lasted for all of about 5 seconds. I plopped Roo down on the floor, which made her scream louder, so I proceeded to clean up the mess while clapping my hands like a deranged seal and squealing at her in such a high pitch that it’s a good thing my grandmother’s china was on the other side of the house.

And, of course, it was only after I’d cleaned up my own little Lake Pontchartrain that I realized the humidifier was still plugged into the wall. Electricity schmectricity.

Here’s Roo, by the way. Isn’t she just the most adorable little thing in the whole world? (The answer is yes, duh). If you look closely, you can see the PLUGS OF DEATH underneath the dresser.

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